Saturday, May 30, 2015

Why do MEN hit WOMEN?

 Journal of an African Woman

Its mean to hit a woman
Mum always said nothing will break me.
She gave herself 100% for my upbringing and said i was ready for marriage,
i used to think i was special and not the type of woman to get hit,
i was sure i would make every man happy,
then i met him. i told myself he'll be my first and my last,
i was ready for the fairy tale.
Mum had taken much of her time to teach me how to say 'hello', 'thank you' and 'sorry',
she told me a 'good woman' is humble and breeds peace everywhere she finds herself.
she told me a 'good woman' will always say 'yes' even if deep inside she craves for a 'no';
my mum said a 'true African woman' will always wear a smile even if her heart is drowned in tears;
she said a 'perfect woman' will shut up, especially when she has much to say.
My mum also said the 'ideal woman' will make sure she apparently portrays happiness especially when she has all reasons to be sad. A good woman will patiently wait while her husband goes in search of her rivals and will welcome him home with a smiling face.
To be a 'good woman', i needed to be loyal to a fault and make my husband happy at all cost.
As a bonus, she said i was young, beautiful and literate.
I listened carefully and understood all my mum's lessons. My mum then realised i was ready for marriage. I went ahead, got engaged and the fruits of my womb followed, a sign of additional blessings.
i was sure that was the beginning of happiness but i was very wrong. I'd been living all this while on a fat lie. One i chose not to disclose.
                       Days, weeks and  seasons passed and i began interacting with other women, i read books and discovered my mum wasn't totally right about the role of the woman in the family. A woman could also be fruitful and help her husband out in several circumstances. A woman could have a paid job and still manage well her home. I realised the role of the woman as described by my mum was unjust, humiliating and down grading. I decided to start speaking out my mind and let my feelings show. I got a blow and punches as compensation.
                      Its mean to hit a woman. I used to question physical violence against women and thought it was a dream and it would never happen to me. I was sure they had done something to deserve that. I was wholly wrong!


Tradition, that's what he most Men tell me.

 Its wrong. Our tradition teaches men to respect and protect women.

Men hit women because they are selfish, self-centered and are cowards. Some claim its a result of verbal violence inflicted on them by the woman; this is wrong. John scolded at me everyday, filled me with insults and told me how much i was useless but the least reply earned me a swollen face. Most men are too selfish to admit they are wrong, even if they are caught red-handed. All they do is use their muscles to let you know they are always right. I say it again:  'IT'S MEAN TO HIT A WOMAN'. The worse is they are afraid of the truth. When they accuse you for being the source of their failures, all you need to do is blame yourself, get into your room and cry. You don't have the right to remind him how much keeping late nights affects his revenues, he forgets the impact of flirting on his assets; he wouldn't even consider how much he spends on beer parlours etc

Today, i observed a minute of silence for all those women who left the world as a result of physical violence portrayed on them by men. I decide i won't ''shut up'' as a ''perfect woman'' should. I will stand up for these women so that they wouldn't have died for nothing.
I won't give in to fear and doubt.
I will use every tool i posses to make sure every rural woman gets educated and gets a salaried job. This will reduce dependency and they'll learn to be assertive.
Young girls and women need to learn how to use the Internet so as to be exposed to its the wide knowledge and ideas withing. Mothers should encourage their girls to go to school even if they weren't opportune to do so. Fathers should teach their boys that girls are not objects but humans like them.
Individuals, Institutions should put in place tools that will help make sure no woman is victim to physical violence.
Get some of these free tools at